Tithing to make God a debtor

I discovered a strange desire: to make others owe me.

I’ve been asked to write an article for Enroute.  It was quite awhile ago, and I really wanted to do it for this friend.  I now have no intention of writing the article, and realized several things.

I would not have wanted to do it myself.

I wanted to continually accept tasks from friends.

All in all, I am upset that I didn’t write the article, and that I am about to let down a friend.  But, to the point, I’m upset that I’m neglecting to fulfill my offer.  But, why should I be upset at that?!  I am not required to do this task (no!); this was me doing someone a favour, like giving—a gift. No one owes a gift. In fact, no one owes a favour: no one owes an offering!  I am not indebted, but rather upset that I have not indebted my friend.  Am I indebted to indebt? Do I owe it to her to owe it to me?

As if to send her a bill would make me feel better.  Or, perhaps, in some obscure way, I count indebted friends as a form of hidden currency—which I can always vaguely rely on.  Comfort as creditor: comfort in buried treasure.  Only—can I find it, unbury it when I need it?  Will my debtors be as reluctant as I; a commodity which I may, in fact, seldom cash in on?

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